Jiran, Michael Joseph
Born: 05/18/85, Plainfield, NJ
Resides: N. Plainfield, NJ
HT/WT: 6'0"/230lbs.
Bats: R
Throws: R
Known to many as "That Fat Kid with the Sideburns," Jiran brings to the team a willingness to dress like a complete idiot that even his teammates cannot match. The team's first game saw him paying homage to the 1978 White Sox, wearing shorts with knee-high baseball socks. He also has the uncanny ability to accidentally swing at a pitch that's about to hit him while trying to get out of the way.
A bit of a free swinger, when he manages to connect, he's usually good for a base hit. Not bad considering his relative lack of previous experience. Prior to joining team WHAT? at its inception, Jiran played a season of T-ball in 1993, and a season of Little League in 1996, missing several games due to injury. "Real smart idea, coach," he rants. "Bring in a pitching machine for little league practice.
Agh...hit me in the left hand. The hand hasn't been the same since, and neither has my swing."
When all excuses are made, and the game is over, you might find Mike maintaining the team's website, or poring over hours upon hours of raw footage as unofficial assistant director to teammate Mike Lazorwitz on the upcoming documentary The Life and Times of Marcus Walker.
In his spare time, he's usually listening to classic rock that would be totally unfamiliar to most Wiffle Ball World Series players, making burgeois pigs uncomfortable by singing Beatles songs while waiting for buses, or watching the 79th Indianapolis 500 (1995) on videotape yet again. Oh yeah, he's a fulltime student, incompetent screenwriter, not-too-shabby one-man slot car race team, manic-depressive humanist philosopher, and apparently a hell of a dancer...a teammate described him as "Pretty light on his feet for a big guy."
Quote: Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see.
It's getting hard to be someone but it all works out
It doesn't matter much to me.
