Grusenski, Ryan Robert R.
Born: 09/20/85, Undisclosed Location
Resides: Kearny, NJ
HT/WT: 5'11"/145lbs.
Bats: R
Throws: R
A man of many names, whether you call him G-ski, Ry, Ryan, Grusenski, Polish Buzzcut Jesus, Prophetic Anus, or anything else you can come up with, Ryan Grusenski brings 10 years' baseball experience to Team WHAT?. When not kept away from the team by his acting career, typecast forever as the old man, he is expected to handle most of the pitching duties for the club.
Ryan, who resides in a bubble-wrapped house that one teammate claims has changed colors recently, was the driving force in assembling the team, and helped create the basic design of the team unifrom. As for that chromatically suspicious house, no matter what color it is, it sure has a lot of bathrooms in it.
He's one of those people who might be accused of spreading himself too thin, but sources close to Team WHAT? aare confident he can pull it off without phoning in his pitching performances. "As long as he laughs it off and says 'Well I'll just have to be in 3 places at once, that's not too bad,' everything should be fine.
Those three places might include, but are not limited to, playing roles of old people, acting as gopher for his local church, drinking copious amounts of canned beverages (non alcoholic ones, as far as anyone on the team knows), narrating heavy-handed art films, maintaining (or at least something close to maintaining) an archive of Prep quotes, and making strange sounds such as "paradox, or Dan Kiczek's Nose is Spinning."
Quote: I hear all the naysayers. It's ok. You know, it's not like we're that good a team anyway..
